I just wanted to talk about my life at the moment. Whenever I seem to talk about my life it always seems to be negative and I don’t like that. I know it is okay to have bad days and just lie in bed until you feel okay to step out again but sometimes you can’t just do that.
I started this blog as a way to make me feel more confident with who I am, give me something to do in my spare time and somewhere to just come and talk about my hobbies and lifestyle. It has kinda given me a step forward in all them. However, I worry when I tell people about my blog and ramblings that they will call me for it and put me down. I am that sort of person who needs to be acknowledged in what I am doing and have support behind me. I struggle a lot with who I can trust and confide in. I also struggle with my sleep. I can sleep and then wake up about 3am and have a massive panic about everything in my life whether that be money, work or relationships. I’m super insecure with who I am. I have no idea what I am doing or how I am supposed to be doing.
I am always stressed as a person and I am always pulling myself apart. I guess a lot of people do it though and I know I am not alone in that. I have never been more stressed as I was when I was at University. University caused me so much stress and anxiety that I look at that moment and see how far I have come. The issue I have is self-confidence and a bit of self-love. I look at people and think, wow. I wish I had that sort of confidence. How do they do it? Then I end up looking at me and thinking… your teeth aren’t white enough, your eyebrows need plucking and always look weird, you’re way too fat, you’ve got the biggest double chin ever and so on and so on. I know… this post seems all doom and gloom but I am getting to my point I promise. I always talk about my life being a mess. I am crap with money, I am no good at History (despite me having a degree in it) and I feel sometimes like I am never gonna be the best at anything. I just want to find a hobby or talent and work with it.
With all this being said I just wanted to make something that I can look back on maybe in the next year and be like… you know what. Look where you are now. I want every post to have an uplifting reason as to why my life is great at the moment and therefore giving me more reason to keep on pushing myself towards my goal of self-confidence and self-love. I will try as much as I can to talk about this kinda journey on my blog and I will work at it.
Nobody is going to love me if I don’t love myself first. I am sorry for the doom and gloom post but I feel it is important to talk about stuff and let people know how you are doing. I just push myself too much and I am too harsh on myself. I need to work on me, for me and be the best person I can be.