Someone asked me today at work what my New Year’s resolution is going to be and I didn’t really have an answer for him so I just kinda shrugged it off and carried on sweeping. It wasn’t until I got home and had a think about it that I actually came up with a few. I don’t like the whole saying ‘New Year, New Me’ because you can change whenever you want really. It kinda gives people a reasoning and a time limit.
I’m not a confident person. I am not a person who really believes in myself and I take a while to trust people.
I have a boyfriend who I sometimes find it really hard to relate with and my mind just shows negatives and I know he is a positive influence on my life. I just think he is very headstrong and I let that get in my way a lot of the time. It is easier to just let things fall his way and even though I argue my back teeth of with him sometimes. It does end up his way. I feel sometimes he makes a big deal out of what he’s done for me and then I feel like a massive inconvenience on his life at times for asking him to do the basic things. I’m more than likely not but that’s how I feel. He is great though and I love him to pieces we just clash when it comes to certain things. I guess like any couple really.
I know right? What a sob story blah. No thanks.
Well that’s where my new year comes in.
My new year’s resolution? Drum roll please… Dum dum dum dumm dumm… I am focusing on myself and doing things that make me happy.
I am 22 years old. I am a recent graduate in History and I have a future to control and do what I want with. I have a chance to actually do something with my life. Why shouldn’t I be confident and why shouldn’t I be happy. It isn’t going to change if I don’t do anything. To every action comes a positive or negative reaction. So if I am just moping around wondering what I can do to make people like me or wonder why someone spoke to me in some sort of tone, then it is all going to be negative thoughts taking up the room with no positivity. I don’t want that anymore. I want positivity. I want the reasoning to why I did something be made entirely by me and to make me feel better. I am always thinking of other people and how I can please them…why? They don’t do that for me. Why do I make people who don’t care about me happy? If you don’t like me then why should I change for you? I am living one life and that’s the only chance I am going to get. I am going to make it the best possible life for me and the people I care about.
My family. That’s okay. I can deal with that but again… I don’t want to be some fancy lawyer or someone just stuck doing something they don’t like to just impress parents that brag about it with friends to make their lives feel better. I want to do something that really stretches my creativity and really lets my brain flow into something. I am creative, I am confident with that and I am happy with talking to people in the right atmosphere. I make my decisions purely based on my own back and I don’t really rely on them for money that much anymore. I want to be independent financially and I want to just be me.
My boyfriend. He doesn’t read my blog apparently so that’s okay. When I have a problem with my life or going through a rough patch I have decided to bring all my issues on here and get them out. Not only will my blog post rise… but so will my independence. You don’t want to be in a relationship where they have too much baggage, again that’s okay. That is another reason as to why I started this blog in the first place. I need an outlet and a person who doesn’t think the same as me isn’t going to help me in the long run. It isn’t fair to him or on me. I’m in a relationship for the laughs and memories. I need to realize what is important to me might not be important to them. That’s okay. I am going into 2018 with the mindset of expecting little from a relationship and that way I will not feel disappointed or angry. It may be me that’s the problem, not him. We will never find out unless one of us is willing to change and as he is older and has been alone longest he is used to his way. I am used to just being there and molding.
I don’t want people to look at this and think bloody hell she is blaming everyone but herself here. I am not. I am realizing what I can do to make everyone a little happier whilst getting what I want. I don’t need to rely on other people to make me happy. I don’t need to rely on other people to show me my worth. That isn’t their fault. That’s mine. I am going to be stronger and confident because I feel everyone deserves to be.
Happy New Year everyone.